In this post I want to share with you in a very honest way some of the problems facing a person who has epilepsy. Even today one finds that having epilepsy seems to be a condition which carries a stigma. I realise that some of the things I will share will be hard for those who don’t have epilepsy to understand but I will try to make it as clear as possible. I want to record my story and I hope that by reading this you will be encouraged.

It all started suddenly when I was 4 years old, one day I was a normal 4 year old, the next I started having seizures. The seizures soon led to be admitted to hospital. It was hard for anybody to control these seizures and they came one on top of another. The doctors warned my parents that I was likely to die and if I did survive that I would be permanently brain damaged. This was one of the most scary periods of my life, I lost all coordination between hand and brain and was dumb for a short period of time. I remember vividly trying to speak and only grunts would come out of my mouth. This was a frustrating and confusing experience. I did not understand what was happening to me and I had no way to communicate my fears and frustrations to others. The doctors and nurses did their best for me but I was not responding to treatment. Then one Sunday a visiting preacher to our chapel called Mr Foster, having spoken to my parents at the service.Came and visited me in the hospital and prayed for me. from that moment I started to slowly recover. My speech returned, my mother told me that the first sentence she heard me say was “I can talk again mummy” but it took me 30 minutes to say those few words. I was released from hospital and became an out patient for about 6 years.

The long struggle to regain the coordination between hand and brain begun. I could not write and when I did start writing it was in block capitals which was the only way I could write until I was 12 years old. But that is to jump ahead a bit and I will return to that later.

Shortly after I was released from the hospital I had an outpatient appointment with the consultant. He asked me, “What made you get better, David? I answered by saying “Jesus made me better”, to which the consultant said, “Who knows, the boy might be right, we certainly didn’t do anything”. In the over seventy years since I have not changed my mind, I believe with all my heart that it was the Lord who healed me.

When I was well enough to return to school, another battle was to begin. Not only was I struggling to do things I had done before, but my fellow pupils thought that I was odd and stupid. They made sure that I knew that by cutting me out of some conversations. I was consistently at the bottom of the class in every subject except for history. My writing did not help matters. As I grew, I became more and more aware that I was different.  I never knew when I was going to have a seizure, the onset of a grand mal seizure is frightening, as you, for a few seconds, realise that you have no control of your body and you try to regain it. And although they were now reasonably well controlled, I was told that I must not get overexcited; my parents would assign somebody at a party to make sure that I did not get too excited. The result being that I still don’t know how to enjoy a party.

At first, I resigned myself to the fact that I would never make much of myself, then I had a new teacher at school called Mrs Leader, and one day she said to me, “David, if the two of us work together, I am sure we can get you writing” This was when I was 12 years old. Suddenly, there seemed to be hope for some improvement, and we worked together, and I learnt to write. This was a major step forward, and I began to think more positively, but my fellow pupils still looked down on me. I was told on numerous occasions when I tried to join in a discussion, ” you won’t understand”. I felt that I wanted to achieve something, and I felt that I would have to follow my father into the menswear shop that he ran.

While I was at school, I started working for Dad at his menswear shop. I worked 15 hours a week. It had been decided at school that it was useless for me to take any exams because I would fail them. My headmaster said to my mother, “David has the knowledge inside himself, but I can’t find a way to get it out of him”. I felt a growing desire to prove to people that I could achieve in some area, so I went to Luton Library and read up on various subjects. When I was about 14 years old, I started to get interested in politics.  I remember reading books like “The Case for the Conservative Party” and “The Case for the Labour Party”, but I was still not satisfied, and I continued to read around the subject. On the eve of the 1966 general election, I read “The Liberal Party” by Jorgen Scott Rasmussen. This book made me want to get involved with the Liberal Party. I joined the Liberal Party at the beginning of the election campaign, and they soon had me stuffing envelopes and going door-to-door canvassing. I felt that at last I had found something that set me apart as different and something which I could try to excel in. In the autumn of 1966 I was asked to join the committee of the Luton Liberal Association. I was the youngest person to ever have a seat on that committee. Soon, my life was full of politics.  We started up a branch of the Young Liberals in town, and I was their first Political Vice Chairman, it was my responsibility to engage in debates with members of other parties, to keep my own members informed of political developments and to try to inspire them to action. In the Political sphere, I found I was accepted for who I was and for the first time in my life, my epilepsy was not a major issue for them. The Young Liberals were on the left wing of the Liberal Party, and indeed, in the “New Left Mayday Manifesto” published in 1968, we were considered an integral part of the new left. My political views were becoming more and more radical, and my Christian background was receding. During this time of political activity, I tried to live within the bounds of my limitations, but I did not always succeed, and the result was that I had another seizure. This happened on several occasions, even though for the most part, my seizures were well controlled.

During this period of time, I saw both my elder and younger brother learn to drive. I found that very hard because in those days, there was a lifetime ban on people with epilepsy driving. I became quite depressed about it all.  One of the things that helped me the most at this time was when my younger brother bought his first car. He would not allow anyone else to see it until he had taken me for a drive in it. I felt privileged to be the first one to go out with him, and it was a healing experience.

In the Autumn of 1969, I became a Christian, and I realised that I needed to resign my political posts so that I could consider everything biblically. When I resigned from my Liberal Party position.  I was contacted by members of the Liberal Party, the Conservative Party, the Labour Party and the Communist Party. They said that if I wanted to be involved in politics again, I would be warmly welcomed into their ranks. One party even tried offering me a safe council seat, but although tempted, I declined the offer.

This next period of my life was to be very challenging. I had become a Christian in a hyper-Calvinist denomination that forbade evangelism because God is sovereign. I started reading more widely and began to realise that the denomination I was in was unbiblical in its theology. At the same time, I came across the writing of Francis and Edith Schaeffer which has had and still does have a great impact on my life. As I began to struggle with my denominational background, I became aware that L’Abri Fellowship had a work in London.

I contacted Dick Keyes, who was then heading up that work, and he advised me in conversation to spend some time at the L’Abri branch in Greatham.  I spent all of my work vacation time at Greatham from 1972 to 1974. During this time, I began to see the issues very clearly and knew that I had to leave the denomination I was in. To cut a long story short, in the summer of 1974, I moved to Greatham to be a helper in the work there. It was here that I was to experience some highs and a very deep low. In October 1974, I had been asked to give a lecture on the philosophy of John Stuart Mill; the day I gave this lecture was also the day of the second general election. I stayed up late listening to the results and the next day I had a very bad seizure. This completely deflated me physically and emotionally. The good side was that I went away for a few days to convalesce at Sylvester and Janet Jacobs home. On returning, I was still feeling very depressed. I started struggling with the fact that I could not drive or drink alcohol; I seemed to see all the problems and none of the blessings. One day, one of the students who had just become a Christian said to me, “David, this illness and depression have made you more honest than you were before”. God used these words to help the light come flooding back in. I realised that I had to live within my limitations. I also argued with God as to why he had not completely healed me when I was young; he powerfully said: “My grace is sufficient for your weakness”.  He has been true to this promise. I have not had a daytime seizure since this one.

In 1975, I found myself travelling to Switzerland to work for L’Abri. I thought I would be working in Switzerland, but on arrival, I was told that I would be working in France. I spent four and a half wonderful years in France, I loved the work, and I enjoyed living in Thollon-les -Memises. This was to be a formative time for my thinking and was to alter my whole life. I found myself giving lectures at Swiss L’Abri and leading the discussions on some Thursday mornings. Strangely, it was at L’Abri where thinking and education were encouraged that I was allowed to teach even though I had no academic qualifications. Here I was accepted and affirmed for who I was. The crowning blessing of my time there was the arrival of Judy Baumgart as a student. Little did either of us realise that the Lord had placed us together, so that we might get to know one another, and eventually, in March 1979, we were married.

Judy and I left L’Abri for England in 1979. Judy, being an American, had to learn to live within the English culture; thankfully she did not find this too difficult. She has been a great support to me throughout our married years. Soon after returning to England, I started applying to Bible Colleges, and one by one they turned me down because of my lack of academic qualifications. I had written to a friend telling him that I had been turned down by all the colleges, including London Bible College. My friend, without telling me wrote to Derek Tidball, the director of studies, asking if he felt that he had done justice to my application. Derek graciously responded by inviting me to an interview, which as it was for a mature student had four or five faculty members present. I remember Leslie Allen challenged me, as to whether I could handle different viewpoints than my own.  I  responded by saying that I had given a series of lectures on Liberation theology at L’Abri before anything had been published on the subject by evangelical scholars, and therefore I had worked from the primary sources. This seemed to be the turning point in the interview.

Life at London Bible College (now London School of Theology) was difficult to begin with. I suddenly found myself writing essays, something I had never done before, and the first exams that I ever sat were for my BA. With Judy’s support and keeping my eyes on my limitations, I was able to accomplish a lot in that first year. I will never forget the joy I felt in seeing that I had passed my first year exams. As we were looking at the notice, I noticed that Dr Harry Rowden was lingering around, as soon as I had seen my result he came up to me and congratulated me on securing such good results. He then told me that he had predicted that I would fail my exams and that he was so pleased that he was wrong!

During the time at college, I found that I received pastoral support from a number of the lecturers, but I will just mention two. Firstly, Derek Tidball, I was in his fellowship group throughout college, and he encouraged and support the students. The other one was Donald Guthrie; he knew that my college placement was not an easy one, and the church was struggling with huge problems. Donald knew the Church and its members well, and very often after a difficult Sunday, he would call me into his office on a Monday morning and speak words of encouragement to me. As a result, when I was ordained, I asked Donald to lead in the ordination prayer, which he did.

After college, I pastored a church for nearly six years until I had to resign on a matter of biblical principle. This was a very stressful time but one where the Lord gave me strength and wisdom. Obviously, the dizziness and other symptoms increased, but I did not have a seizure,

After the pastorate, I was preaching at a variety of churches, but eventually, in 1993 we became involved in Shoreham-by-Sea Baptist church, and I have been an elder there for the past thirty-two years.

In 1994, I also started to study for my Master’s degree by distance learning at Nazarene Theological College, Manchester. I travelled up to Manchester once a year for two weeks of residential study. This was a time when I really felt affirmed in my gifting to study theology and to produce new work. There, I found the fellowship and the seminars to be truly beneficial. I perhaps spent more time in my room resting than the others, as I needed to pace myself and make sure that I was working within the limitations that epilepsy has imposed on me.

One of my great joys every year was to attend the Tndale Fellowship Christian Doctrine Study Group. The conference is always intense, and I have learnt that I need to rest in the free period. I try to share fellowship as much as possible with my fellow delegates, but sometimes I feel frustrated by the limitations my health puts on me..

This biography has mentioned many things, but perhaps you are thinking what has happened to the subject of epilepsy, the answer is that epilepsy is something that is with me every day of my life. There is not a day that goes by without feeling some effect of epilepsy.

I still occasionally lose coordination between hand and brain, sometimes I go dizzy, and other times I find that I am trembling for no explicable reason. The medication makes me feel perpetually drowsy, and the result is that if I ever feel really alert, I realise that I have not taken my medication. Sometimes I have to say to Judy, I am going to have a rest today and that is what I have to do. An example of coordination going is that sometimes I can not get a cup of tea to my mouth, if I am in company, I find this most embarrassing.

For the most part, I live an active and fulfilled life, but I am always conscious of the limitations my epilepsy imposes on me. Living within those limitations and taking my medication has allowed me to do far more than I ever imagined possible when I was young.

In 2015, I started to experience more symptoms and in the end the neurologist realised that I needed to change my medication completely because of the time I had been taking the previous medication, I had to be gradually weaned off the old and introduced to the new this took a period of three years. I now experience myoclonic jerks when I am overtired or when I get stressed.

In 2024, I became very unwell just before Christmas and was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. I was discharged from the hospittal on Christmas Eve. After Christmas, I seemed to be making slow progress when I was taken ill again with another chest infection and a heart condition. During my time in hospital, a Consultant came to see me and said he wanted to increase the dosage of one of my epilepsy medications. I did not really want this, and I  asked him to speak to my epilepsy nurse, Helen, he seemed reluctant to do this but I pressed him to. He did speak to her and came back the next day, and he said to me, “I am so glad that you insisted that I speak to Helen, she really undesrstands you as she has been seeing you for years.”

One of the constant frustrations of having epilepsy is that it is an invisible condition and so many people comment about how well I am looking when I am feeling anything but well.

I am thankful for the grace and strength the Lord has given me over these many years.